haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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