Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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