I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
