Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
