Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
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And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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