I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im six kinds of drunk right now
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I love having hate sex.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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