I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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