well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
