I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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