Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
