I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
