glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My vagina just recognized that song.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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