she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
