i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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