i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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