i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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