You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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