It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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