I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
