You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
