So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
