I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
