I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
