I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
