my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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