i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
