so that wasnt chicken after all
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
