I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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