Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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