I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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