I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I still have a little drunk in my system
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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