So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
