I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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