Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
