OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
