So drunk its hurt
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
