John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
