i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
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how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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