I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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