with your own penis?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
