Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
