Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
