my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
