I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
