I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
