Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
