you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
