It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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