Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
