Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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