So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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