I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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