I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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