my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Too much gin, very little bucket
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
