i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
