I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
