Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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