Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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