My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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