she was so not down for the gang bang
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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