forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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