my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
