booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
