How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
