New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
