my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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