Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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