all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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