What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
