They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i came on her dog
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
