I have demons in me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
