Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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