So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
